Title: Revelations V: Water of Life Author: Linda Phillips (rn500@usa.net) Rating: NC-17 Classification: S / A / R Keywords: MSR Summary: A post-invasion tale. The final story in the 'Revelations' series. Completed on: 3/19/99 Archiving: Gossamer - yes. All others please let me know. Disclaimer: The X-Files and its characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and Fox Television. No infringement intended. {Although I daresay the fanfic writers could vastly improve what I've seen so far of season 6.} _______________________________________________ Her scent filled him, tangy and sweet, and as he drifted toward wakefulness he wondered if he would know it anywhere. He felt sure that he would. Then consciousness lifted him, and he opened his eyes. It was real. He was here in bed with Scully. He was home. And she was going to have a baby. *They* were going to have a baby. Jesus. He sat up slowly on the edge of the bed, taking care not to wake her. He was aware that he'd been here for several days, but exactly how long, he wasn't sure. He only knew that every time he had opened his eyes, she'd been there. He looked back at her as she slept, her hand tucked beneath her cheek. For Scully to be asleep in the daylight, she must be exhausted. He stood up cautiously, leaning on a table, and was pleasantly surprised to find that his head was not spinning quite so nauseatingly now. The vision in his right eye was still fuzzy, but he focused with his left and started toward the bathroom. It was a short distance - maybe ten feet across the room - but he was suddenly reminded of how much people take independent mobility for granted. Scully had been helping him up and down for days now - but his head was clearing, and he was determined not to wake her this time. His feet shuffled slowly, each step pulling on bruised muscles that he didn't even know he had. After what seemed like endless minutes, he felt like a two year old who was all proud of himself because he'd held it 'til he got the seat up. He really hated that feeling. He went to the sink to wash, and absently looked up. He realized that he hadn't seen himself in a mirror in weeks, and what stared back at him now made him catch his breath. His fingers went up and touched his cheek gingerly, surprised to feel the sensation against a face that could not be his. The right side of his forehead, his eye - most of the right side of his face, really - was swollen and colored in various shades of yellow, green and purple. "Bastards must have been left handed," he murmured. His gaze traveled down further to the patches of bruising on his ribs and arms, and he turned a bit to view the ones he knew would be on his back. "Shit..." He felt a hand on his shoulder, and Scully came into view in the mirror. "How'd you recognize me?" he asked, staring at the stranger before him. "I didn't at first," she replied quietly. He turned to face her. "My right eye is screwed up," he said. "My vision is all blurry, and there's a little dark spot in the periphery." Her gaze dropped a moment and she sighed, then looked back at him again in the mirror. "I was afraid of that." He turned back to the mirror. "What's wrong with me?" "I think you have a tear in your retina, Mulder. Probably from the blow you took up there." She gently touched his right temple. He vaguely remembered points of bright light in his eyes over the past few days as she was examining him. "Will it get better?" he asked. Her eyes met his, a calming force. "I don't think so," she said. "Not without surgery, and there's no place left within hundreds of miles that could do the type of surgery you would need. The only thing we can do right now is keep you as still as possible for a while so that it doesn't get worse." He leaned forward toward the mirror and squinted. "And what happens if it gets worse?" he asked, already knowing the answer. She took a deep breath. "The retina could completely detach, and you would lose the sight in that eye." Her voice was matter-of-fact, his familiar Scully - no bullshit. He stood back again, eyes on her image in the mirror for a few silent moments. "You like the beard?" he asked finally. She closed her eyes and shook her head just a bit. A sigh. "Oh, Mulder..." He turned to her. "Is that a no?" She opened her eyes again, and there was a smile in them that spread to her lips, then to his. "Yes," she said. "No. I mean, yes, that's a no. I don't." She ran her fingertips along his scruffy jawline. "Do you?" His smile faded. "I think I want to be me again." She brought him a razor and some soap, and he shooed her out of the bathroom while he shaved. He watched the mirror as, with each stroke of the blade, he recognized a little more of himself. He looked like hell, there was no other way to put it. And felt like it too. The few minutes it had taken him to shave had been enough to wear him out, and he ambled back to the bed like an old man. Scully had fallen asleep again, and he stood at the side of the bed for a moment, watching her, so serene and still. It was like a picture out of a long ago dream, but one that he dared not wake up from. So much, he thought. She deserved so much more. He lay down next to her again, and she opened her eyes. She smiled at him, touched his face. "Ahh, there's my husband." "Not exactly what you bargained for, is it Scully?" A shadow fell across her face. "Stop it, Mulder." He said nothing, just turned onto his back and closed his eyes. He felt her take one of his long hands in hers, slowly running her fingers over the back of it. A long silent moment later, she whispered to him. "Don't ever say that to me again." He opened his eyes and looked at her. She met his gaze with shimmering eyes . He felt her reassuring hand on his, caressing, giving him what she could. He closed his eyes again, for he had nothing to offer in return. ______________________________________________________ She watched him from her perch on the edge of the bed, watched as his mouth made silent words and his fingers clenched and unclenched. His eyes remained closed but she could see rapid, fluttering movement beneath the lids. It had been like this since he'd come back last week. He would be sleeping soundly, then suddenly his limbs would jerk, and it would start. Instinctively, her hand went up to touch him, soothe him, but she stopped short of contact with his flushed skin. She had tried rousing him the first few times it happened, but he would awaken disoriented and upset and turn away any comfort she offered. So now, she just watched over him until it played itself out. Tears needled the back of her eyelids as he moaned quietly. She wanted to hold him, wash the fear away with her kisses, still the trembling limbs with her hands. But he was so far away now, even when he was awake. He barely looked her in the eyes. He'd gone away her husband, and come back a stranger. And all the reassuring words and soft caresses she gave couldn't make it right. She'd never felt so powerless. ______________________________________________ He spent hours in dreamless dozing, a careful attempt at balancing between the sharp recall of wakefulness and the panic of sleep. Even so, he was aware that she spent a great deal of time at his side, watching. Even when she was silent, he could feel her there. And he knew she was afraid. So was he. She wanted him to talk, open up, let her carry some of his suffering. She didn't say it in words, but he knew. She would lie with him quietly, her fingers stroking his hair or making soft patterns on his arm. It felt so good, and he could forget - for a while. The sound of her breathing would lull him, and he would feel so warm and sheltered that the grip he held so tightly would loosen. He would wake up shaking or crying out, feeling every bit of it again. So he began to turn away. Detaching himself seemed the only way to maintain control. He was awake when she entered the room this time, his back to the door. His eyes were closed, but she must have seen him stir because she came and sat heavily on the edge of the bed. "I brought you something to eat, Mulder." He turned his head and glanced at her, but kept his body facing away. "Thanks." He felt himself attempt a smile that he was sure must have looked more like a grimace. "How are you feeling?" He closed his eyes again as she put her palm against his forehead, then moved her fingers to inspect the spot on his collarbone that had been cracked. "Still tender?" she asked. "Just a little." "It's a gorgeous day outside, Mulder. Do you feel like taking a little walk with me?" "No - I don't think so, Scully." "You're sure?" "Yes!" he said, his tone sharper than he'd meant it to be. She was silent for a moment. When she spoke again, he could tell that she'd turned on her clinical voice in defense. "Well, then... I want to take a look at your eye again." He felt her touch his cheek as she clicked on the ophthalmascope. "Not right now, Scully." "Mulder, come on. Let me look..." He sucked air in between his teeth as he turned to her and grabbed her arm. "Scully, please!" he hissed. The look on her face burned him to the core. He dropped her hand as she stared at him, and he turned back to face the wall. "Please..." he said again. ...leave me alone... The words hung in the air between them, unspoken and drawing blood. In a moment he felt her weight leave the bed and the door close quietly. He opened his eyes. Bare feet on cool tile. Blinking a few times, he made his way forward, closing the bathroom door behind him. He went to the mirror and stood there, as if expecting something to change. His hand moved up and covered his left eye. Nothing. But he didn't want her to know. When he'd discovered the darkness this morning, his own lack of response surprised him. Objectively, he knew he should have been cursing, yelling, crying - something. But all he'd felt was numb. Half his vision. Half his courage. Half his mind. So this is what half a man looks like, he thought. _____________________________________________ Her back was aching something fierce today. She stood up straight and pushed both fists into the small of her back, trying to rub away the spasm. She could have asked someone else to put away the supplies they'd received this morning, but pride wouldn't let her concede much to this pregnancy. She didn't want anyone carrying more of the burden just because she had a backache. Besides, there wasn't much left - the shipments they received these days were scanty and infrequent. Luckily, so was the patient load lately - the manufactured virus had cleared out the surrounding area pretty well. For the last few weeks the only new cases they'd been getting were local residents and victims of an occasional isolated skirmish. A few months ago she would have welcomed the break. Now - she wasn't so sure. For many months, her days (and nights, for that matter) had been hectic and exhausting. She would go from one patient to the next, her main concern being how best to help them with meager supplies and makeshift equipment. It left little time to do more than eat and sleep. But now - now, there was time to think. It could be over soon. Then what? Or, it could start all over again. A baby. And Mulder. A sigh accompanied his name on her lips. "What's wrong?" Scully smiled at the welcome voice and turned her head. "Hey, Julie." Julie walked around to face her. "I heard that sigh, Dana." "Oh, I'm tired, my back aches, you know - the usual stuff." Julie folded her arms in front of her and stood firm. "That was not an 'I'm tired' sigh, girlfriend." "I'm fine, really." Julie's mouth twisted to one side and she rolled her eyes. "Yeah - okay." Then she gave Scully a conspiratorial smile. "I know what'll cheer you up - let's go listen to the heartbeat. I should be giving you a little check up this week, anyway." Scully didn't require much convincing. Julie retrieved the doppler and they found a quiet room. Scully lay back on the bed as Julie measured her growing abdomen, then squirted a dab of ultrasound gel on her belly. She turned on the doppler and ran it smoothly across the taut skin, listening for the heartbeat. They both smiled when the "swish-swish- swish" sounded, strong and regular. "Looking good, Dane," Julie said. "Has Mulder heard the heartbeat yet?" Scully looked down at the floor as she sat up. "No," came the curt reply. Julie sighed and sat next to her on the bed. "What is it? Is it Mulder?” Scully shook her head. She felt Julie's hand on her back and she looked away. "I haven't seen much of him since he came back," Julie said softly. "Is he alright?" Scully shook her head again. "No. No, he's not." Julie waited silently, giving Scully a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. "He eats what I tell him to, drinks what I tell him to, takes his medication - all in all, a very obedient patient," Scully said. "He stays in bed most of the day with his eyes closed, but I know he's not sleeping." She looked at her friend. "He's hardly asked a thing about the baby, Julie." Julie nodded. "He needs time, Dana - it's only been a couple of weeks. I mean, I can only imagine what happened to him while he was gone..." Scully looked at the floor again. "I can only imagine too, since he won't talk about it. As a matter of fact, he hardly talks at all." "He loves you Dana. Don't doubt that." "I know. I just feel so - impotent, you know? I want to help him, but I don't know what to do." Julie squeezed her shoulder again. "You're doing it, honey. You're there - he just needs you *there* right now, don't you think? It'll just take some time." Scully forced a weak smile. "You're probably right." "Aren't I always?" Scully chuckled, the first bit of laughter that had come from her in weeks. She looked at Julie with a watery smile, blinking back her well-guarded tears. _______________________________________________ He was always listening for the sound of footsteps. Usually he could not hear them, and his heart would drop like a rock when the door opened unexpectedly. He lay there so quietly tonight, listening, listening... But he heard nothing. He tried to stay awake - he didn't want to be surprised this time. His body would start to float away, and he would catch himself with that twitch of exhausted muscles just as he was drifting off. No! Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay... And then They came, and he was suddenly, horrifyingly awake, and his mind started to run.... Would this be the time? This is it this is it this is it.... No! Nooo!!! He struggled, and abruptly his arms were freed. He swung wildly at Them, his fist connecting, and he heard screams... ... but they weren't his... ... someone was calling him, calling his name - where was this place? He fell to the ground, but it wasn't the dirty, greasy concrete that his face lay against. It was... smooth, cool, clean... he opened his eyes, and suddenly he knew... Sweet Jesus. He sat up, his heart racing, head pounding. It was dark, but he could make out shadows, and he scanned the room in a panic. "Scully?" he called, his throat tight with anguish. "God, Scully... where are you?" "I'm here," came the quiet reply. On his hands and knees, he followed the voice to where Scully crouched against the wall. He crawled to within a foot of her and stopped as she instinctively put up a defensive hand. "Scully? Oh, God... Scully..." She stared at him with eyes round and glistening in the darkness, her voice little more than a whisper. "What the hell happened to you out there, Mulder?" If he'd had a knife he would have gladly gutted himself. Instead he backed away and leaned against a cabinet, pulled his knees up and buried his face in his arms. She made no move to come to him. Finally he spoke, his words muffled against himself. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." "I know you are, Mulder." He lifted his head. "Are you alright?" "Yes." Silence. "I'll leave if you want me to, Scully." If she said yes, he would die. It wasn't self-pity; simply fact. "I don't want you to!" she said, her voice breaking. He closed his eyes and breathed again. "I want to * help* you, but I don't know how!" He covered his face with his hands. "I can't... you don't understand, Scully..." She came closer. "Help me understand, Mulder!" He grit his teeth, the words being pulled out like splinters. "I don't want to... I just... I want to forget, can't you see that?" He felt her hands close on his wrists, sure and firm, and slowly she pulled his hands down. "You can't forget, Mulder," she whispered. "You won't." His eyes closed and he leaned his head back against the cabinet with a thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. "I never should have left, Scully," he said, the words heavy with defeat. "I never should have left you." "You didn't know! You did what you had to do..." He looked at her, his eyes suddenly wild. "Oh yes - I did what I *had* to do! Typical, reckless bullshit! Rushing out to right the wrongs, all the while failing the people that matter. And what did it get me *this* time, Scully? Beaten, half blind, a useless coward..." She shook his wrists and squeezed them hard. "Stop it! You're not a coward, Mulder!" "You don't know, Scully..." He shook off her grasp and crawled away from her, refusing to show his burning face. "You don't know! What they did... thank God I didn't know anything! I would've given up my grandmother, for chrissake! I would've given *you* up!" He turned back to her, traitorous breath burning in his lungs. "What the does that make me, Scully? What the hell does that make me?" Crying now, and she stretched her hand out to him. "It makes you a *man*, godammit! A human being! You're not a robot, not a machine..." His fingers touched hers and she came, her arms clinging tightly around his neck. "You're a man..." she sobbed against him. "You're a good man..." He held her to him, his unworthy tears finally falling where he'd wanted them to for weeks. They came in a silent downpour, his gasps for air the only sound. She stroked his hair and whispered to him between her own choked tears. "*I* need you, Mulder... I need you... you're here now... it's alright now..." _____________________________________________ Later, he lay awake long after she had dozed off in his arms. He tried to close his eyes, but each time he did the sensation of her soft skin against his fist came rushing back. The fact that he hadn't been aware of his actions did nothing to lessen the sickened twist of his stomach at the memory. He looked down at her face and his fingers hovered just above the reddened area on her cheek, then pulled away. She still loved him, despite... everything. How could that be? His gaze traveled down and settled on the roundness of her abdomen. After all this time, after everything that she'd lost... why now? Gently, so very gently, he rested his hand on her belly. A sadness burned through him as he realized it was the first time he'd touched her there since he'd come back. Then he felt it, and he stifled a gasp. Again, moving... real... he pictured tiny limbs stretching, and he wanted to weep again when he knew that she'd been feeling this for weeks without him. "Amazing, isn't it?" she whispered. He looked at her and nodded, afraid to speak. "She... or he... will even respond to me sometimes, like this..." She took his hand in hers and moved it to the other side of her abdomen, where she tapped and prodded against the taut skin. After a few moments he felt movement beneath his hand there, as if the baby had followed the stimuli. "Oh God, Scully..." He smiled in wonder as he met her eyes again, and her face lit up in response. "Mulder..." she began, then shook her head a little and looked down at their hands again. He brought his hand up and turned her face back to him. "Tell me," he said. "I've been waiting..." She closed her eyes. "I was afraid I'd have to do this by myself." "I'm sorry." She looked at him again. "No - Mulder, it's not your fault. I was... just afraid..." Scully, afraid. It tore at his heart. "Don't be afraid anymore." His lips met her forehead softly. "Not of me." "No..." She looked at him with such longing and he felt himself come alive for the first time since he'd left. She leaned up and kissed him, and he couldn't help the tiny whimper that escaped at the sweetness of it. "I've been waiting for you..." she murmured. "...I've missed you so much..." "Oh, baby..." He buried himself in her kiss, wanting nothing more at that moment than to be surrounded by her skin and her scent and her warmth. His hand caressed the length of her - smooth thigh; tight, round bottom; strong back - familiarity tempered with the soft changes he found. His hand kneaded her breast gently, and he was amazed at its fullness. "Can we...?" he asked hesitantly. "I mean, is it okay?" She touched her lips to his ear, and the feel of her breath against his skin melted him as much as the words she spoke. "Make love to me, Mulder." _____________________________________________ He had barely touched her since his return. Now, his rough hands stoked a neglected fire on the skin beneath them. Her own hands had been busy in healing, worrying, soothing ways - wanting to reach for more, but rebuffed by the far off look in his eyes, the turning away. Her fingers explored well-known places, but with the awareness that he was not the same man who had last walked out the door. This man was tattered and raw, and she wanted to be so, so careful. He gripped her thigh and pulled it toward him, his hardness pushing against her. "Are you for real?" he whispered, his disbelieving sigh in her ear. "I dreamed about you so many times, Scully... I'd wake up, sure that you were right next to me... but you weren't... and I'd tell myself 'one more day- just make it through one more day'..." She blinked back tears and held his face in her hands. "Did you feel me thinking about you?" he went on. "I pretended I was holding you, sometimes I could feel you, smell you..." She leaned her head back as his mouth went to her neck. "Yes... yes..." she said. His lips moved in feathery kisses across her throat, stopping at the place where the throbbing pulse gave away her desire. He held his lips there gently for a moment, feeling the beat of her heart. No words had ever moved her more. A tear escaped and slipped to the pillow beneath her. "I love you, Scully... I live because of you..." She pulled his mouth to hers and drank him in, unable to bring him deep enough. ______________________________________________ The taste of her was overwhelming, and suddenly, he needed to taste her everywhere. Sliding down, he nibbled her chin, made his way down the slope of her throat into the valley between her breasts. He thought back to the first time he had touched her there, amazed at the smooth softness of the delicate skin. Down, down... over the tip of her sternum, a small flat plain, then up over the taut bank that hid secrets within. Hesitating a moment, he circled her belly button with his tongue. He felt her draw in a sharp breath as he came to the edge of her soft curls, and the visions of madness were edged aside by the memories of her heady scent. As he dipped his tongue into the well of honey and musk, a small spasm shook him and he came a bit against the sheet. Her hands reached for him and twined in his hair as he licked and suckled, wordless moans coming from her lips. She began to writhe as she quickly came close to the edge, and he grabbed her hands in his to hold her against him. Oh, he remembered this, he remembered this... she pulled against his hands, so close, biting into his palms with her nails. Suddenly she exploded, convulsing, and she cried out his name as he let her go. He looked up at her just as she threw an arm across her eyes and burst into tears. Quickly he moved next to her and gathered her trembling body against him. "I'm sorry," she said, her teary voice muffled against his chest. "Shhh... it's okay... it's okay..." And it was. Oh, it was. She circled him tightly with her arms, and he could feel what she was telling him. They lay like that for a long time. For this moment, he could forget. He could lock it all away while she was in his arms, feeling only her tender touch instead of that of madmen. He was still wet and hard against her belly, but he could wait. For this, he could wait. When he felt her touch him, her slender hand sliding up his thigh and onto his throbbing cock, he nearly came undone. Her lips slowly brushed across his chest, stopping here, stopping there, leaving behind burning imprints in his flesh. When her tongue circled his nipple once, twice... he couldn't stop. "Let me in, Scully... please..." She pulled herself up, bringing one leg over as she straddled his thighs. Leaning down, she kissed him again, her belly warm and full between them. He took her hands and pushed her up, holding her there, captivated by what he saw. His hands left hers and cupped her breasts, softly molding them, and she tilted her head back and covered his hands with her own. So full, nipples darkened and firm - he sat up and took one in his mouth as she moaned. It was different, sweet - making ready for a baby. At the thought, his hand went to her abdomen, softly stroking, feeling the tiny thing move against him, and he was filled with the wonder of this woman. More than sensual, more than erotic... he'd never be able to describe the feeling flowing through him right now. He lay back and she moved above him, centering herself, and he held his breath as her wetness touched him. Slowly, she lowered herself onto him, watching him. He closed his eyes - concentrate, concentrate, not yet, not yet... The sensation of her warm silk sliding over him was almost more than he could endure. Knowing this, she waited there snug against him, until he began to move slowly. She followed his rhythm, gripping his hands as he held her there, rocking. "Mulder..." she whispered. He opened his eyes, questioning. "I want you to look at me." He watched her as she moved against him slowly, holding his hands in hers. Her eyes never left him. "I love you." Her voice was a healing stream, and it covered him, gently washing his wounds. "I love you, Mulder..." Soft, so soft - like the feel of her body against him. "You're safe here - safe with me..." Strong, so strong - protecting him like no other could. She leaned down over him, her cheek against his, arms around him. His hands clutched at her back, wanting her closer as she moved with an increasing rhythm. Oh God... oh God... oh God... Her hushed voice in his ear. "Let it go, Mulder... let it go... I'm here..." 'She's here' - two words that could reclaim him, they spun over and over through his mind. she's here she's here she's here He gave himself to her, his mouth in a silent 'O', sweet sweet sweet surrender. ____________________________________________ And so he began to emerge, slowly, often reaching for her as he did. The nights that he awakened sweat drenched and gasping for breath became fewer as he allowed her in. Weeks turned to months as he again became aware of a cool breeze against his cheek and the colors in a sunset. Their life became almost... settled, for a short time. The number of patients that were seen at the hospital dropped slowly. Two of the doctors and all but two nurses left to go where their services were more urgently needed. Scully found herself tiring quickly as her pregnancy progressed, and took advantage of the well deserved rest. Then the day that they all knew would come, did. At Joe's request, the few of them that were left gathered in a small conference room. Joe wasted no time getting to the point. "The camp is moving on," he said, looking at the table. "They feel that this area is 'fairly'" - his fingers made quotations marks in the air- "secure now." He looked up at the small group around the table. "You know what that means." No one said a word. They all knew of the hospitals and Red Cross stations that had been attacked in the absence of armed protection. The aliens may have been defeated, but the men and women who had hoped to gain power with them fought on, and they had no respect for rules of war. "I think we should close down." Joe looked at Scully. "I'm sorry, Dana. I know this isn't exactly good timing, but it's not going to be safe for you here either." Scully nodded slightly and pursed her lips, unwilling to show her true concern. As close as she and Julie could determine, the baby was due within the month. She didn't relish the idea of picking up and moving God knew where at this point. She glanced over at Julie, who was watching her with a worried look. Joe continued. "We only have sixteen patients right now, and I think the majority of them could go home in the next few days. Major Hill has agreed to transport any that need continuing care before they leave." Julie spoke up. "Joe, the closest hospital is over two hundred miles from here - I don't think McCarty or Levine would make it that far." Joe sighed and pressed his fingers together, resting his chin on the tip of the pyramid for a moment. "I know," he said finally. "But we aren't going to be able to help them if we're all dead," he said, looking at Julie. "Are we?" _____________________________________________ She found Mulder outside, pen and paper in hand. He'd taken to writing periodically, stuffing the loose papers into a box under the bed. It seemed to be helping him work through the things that he could not give voice to. He was so intent on the words before him that he didn't hear her approach, and she smiled a little as she watched him. He didn't seem so different than he had that first day she'd walked into his office, so many years ago. And yet he was, both of them were, in so many ways. In her wildest dreams she could never have imagined the tale that they would live together, could never have hoped for what they would mean to each other. Bill had once asked her if it was worth it, if *he* was worth it. Even after everything, she would have to say yes. "Penny for your thoughts," she said. When he looked up and smiled at her, that curious little feeling twisted up in her chest - the same one that came in the morning when she was waking up and felt his warmth beside her. Of its own accord, her hand went to her heart and she smiled back at him. "Oh, they've gotta be worth at least a dime," he teased. He folded his papers inside a book and lay them aside as she sat next to him and took his hand. "I'm sorry for interrupting you," she said. "Don't be silly. I love being interrupted by you." They sat in silence for a few minutes. Her eyes were drawn to the horizon where the sun was just beginning to cast it's orange and pink hues of goodnight. She was going to miss this place, these people. At least while she was here, there was a certainty to each day, a purpose. Now... "What's wrong?" he asked gently. She took a deep breath, exhaled. "They're shutting down the hospital, Mulder. We'll all be leaving." "What? Now?" "Yeah. The camp is pulling out, and it's not safe for us here without them." "Where are we going?" "I have no idea," she said, her face betraying an unaccustomed insecurity. "I guess we could go wherever we want. It's different now that things have settled down a bit... I know we're not out of the woods yet, but with the government back in control in Washington..." She looked at him. "I guess what I'm saying is, I'm ready to let someone else finish the job, Mulder. I'm ready to rest." He nodded and stroked her hair. "I know you are, babe." His gaze traveled down the long road that led away from the hospital. "Wow. No jobs, no money, and we can go wherever we want. This must be what it felt like to be a hippie." She chuckled despite her apprehension. "Yeah. Not exactly a style of living that I'm used to. I won't know what to do with myself." "Just think, Scully. It's like a new world out there. A different world, anyway." "I know," she sighed, leaning into him. "That's what scares me." _________________________________________________ The next week was busy. Patients were discharged or transferred one by one, until there was no one left but the staff and Mulder. They packed up what was salvageable so that it could be used somewhere else, and the night before they were slated to leave they stood on the front steps and watched as a truck drove away with the remnants of their little hospital. None of them expected to be sad to see it go, but the moment became strangely emotional for them all. They had waged their own small battles within these walls - many won, but too many lost - all at a cost that would never be calculable. They had been bound together by tears and blood and struggles for the smallest triumphs. And they all knew that they would never be the same. Mulder slept fitfully that night. In his dreams he was walking, walking, walking... he kept thinking that he was almost to his destination, although he had no idea what that was. Finally he opened his eyes and realized he was alone in the bed. He threw on some clothes and walked out into the empty hall. Hearing only his own bare feet padding softly on the tile, he looked into each room he whispered, "Scully?" Finally, he found her in another hallway, pacing in the shadows. As he approached he saw her stop and lean against the wall with one hand, heard her breathing change for a moment. "Scully?" She turned to him, her eyes wide and tense. "What is it?" he asked, taking her hand in his. She just shook her head. But as they stood there it came again, and she bowed her head and leaned into him, concentrating. When it finished, she looked at him and tried to smile. "Oh my God," he gasped, finally understanding. "You're in labor, aren't you?" "It's okay, Mulder. I'll be fine." "But... Scully... what about..." She pressed her lips together and stroked a hand down his chest, as much for her own reassurance as for his, he realized. "It's not bad yet, Mulder. I didn't want to wake you for a while." "Oh, shit," he sighed as he pulled her against him. He rubbed her back and held her as an anxious frown creased his brow. "You should lie down," he said. She backed away a little and looked at him. "No... it feels better if I walk around." Her mouth turned down in a self deprecating grimace. "Some timing I have, eh?" "I should get Julie," he offered. "No, no... not yet. I don't want everybody worrying about me." She squeezed his hand a little as another contraction moved through her. "Oh, geez... what should I do, Scully? I don't know what to do!" "Just walk with me for a little while, okay?" Her voice was reassuring, even now. "And calm down. I don't want you hyperventilating and passing out." "Okay, okay..." He took a deep breath. "Walk. I can do that. I think." They moved slowly, stopping every few minutes as Scully concentrated on the work at hand. Between contractions their voices melded softly as they spoke of past and future, until she was unable to focus on much else but the increasing ache in her center. Back in their room, she wrapped her arms around his neck and they waltzed the slow dance of a ritual unchanged for ages. She was now silent for the most part, her heavy breaths the only sound he heard above his own pounding heart. Occasionally a few words escaped quickly from her lips: "Rub my back..." "Right here..." "Hold me, Mulder..." "Too tight..." He did all that she asked, and when she asked for nothing he just stayed with her quietly. Somehow he sensed that she needed him not to interrupt her in this; it seemed to be instinctively in her to know what to do. He was amazed, awed, knowing that he would never see her in quite the same way again. Finally, as the sun peeked its first streaks through the blinds on the window, she began to lose her control. Just a bit, but it frightened her, he could tell. "Get Julie, Mulder," she said between clenched teeth. When he returned a few minutes later, Julie was at his side, wild haired and clad in pajamas. "Jesus, Dana! What're you doing?" Scully kept her eyes closed, taking in even breaths and letting them go slowly. Julie brushed her hands over her hair and took a deep breath. "Okay, okay..." she said to herself. She turned to Mulder. "I'm gonna go get some stuff, I'll be right back." Scully sat on the edge of the bed, hands in a fierce grip on the mattress. Mulder kneeled before her and smoothed the hair out of her eyes. "It's okay, babe... it'll be over soon..." "How do you know?!" she moaned at him tearfully. "Ohhhh, here it comes again, Mulderrrr....." Her hands went to his shoulders and he winced as she dug her fingertips into him. She leaned her head against his and rocked back and forth, back and forth, guttural moans coming from deep within her now. Julie returned after what seemed an eternity, her hands full of equipment which she promptly dropped on the floor. "Shit!" she cried. "Mulder, bring that table over here!" He did as ordered, and Julie opened packages and lay out some instruments and gauze, all the while muttering under her breath. "I *knew* you'd do this, Dana... I *knew* it! Lucky I kept this stuff just for that reason..." She pointed a finger at Scully. "You damn well better not pull any shit, because we can't do a C-section now, you know!" "Sorry..." Scully managed to say. Julie dropped down next to her and gathered her in strong arms. "Oh! *I'm* sorry! Everything'll be fine, Dana, don't worry... now lie back and let me examine you." Mulder stood back, hands clenched together, stepping anxiously from one foot to the other. He watched as Julie put on a glove and reached beneath Scully's nightgown "Holy... Dana! You're almost ready to push!" "No shit," Scully moaned. There was a knock on the door behind Mulder. He opened it a crack to see Sarah and Dan standing there holding towels. "Here," Sarah said, shoving them at him. "Tell Julie we'll be right out here if she needs us!" He nodded mutely and closed the door, then turned and held the towels out to Julie. "Here." She smiled at him. "Mulder, take a deep breath... that's good... now put the towels down on the table, okay? Good boy." She pointed up toward the head of the bed. "Now get up there and do what I tell you." He knelt at the edge of the bed and took Scully's hand. Her eyes were shining as she looked into his, and he couldn't help the tears that formed and overflowed. "I love you!" he said, burying his face in her neck. She patted his head with her free hand before another contraction washed over her. "Ohhh! I have to push, Julie!" "Go ahead, honey, go ahead." "No - wait - oh, wait a minute!" Scully struggled to sit up, and she grabbed Mulder by the collar as she did. "Mulder! Wait...!" He locked his hands around her wrists and brought his nose within a few inches of hers. "Look at me, Scully." Suddenly he felt remarkably calm. He looked into her frantic blue eyes and whispered. "Shhh... shhh... shhh... it's okay... shhh..." Her grip on him relaxed as he breathed with her, slowing her rhythm, holding her eyes. Julie spoke up in a reassuring tone. "Dana, why don't you let Mulder sit behind you and help you push, okay?" Scully nodded mutely, so Mulder eased onto the bed behind her. She leaned back into him and looked at Julie. "Another one's coming," she whispered. "Okay, now get ready..." Julie told her. "When you feel it, start pushing a little." Scully pulled her knees up and held them with her hands. Mulder wrapped his hands over hers from behind. He felt her body start to tremble, then he felt the forcefulness, the power that she held, as she began to bear down. He held his breath with her. "Good," Julie was saying. "Now do it again." She did. Again, and again, and again, until he lost track and thought that something must certainly be wrong. He watched Julie's face as Scully pushed, looking for any sign of distress. But there was only joy and tearful encouragement. "C'mon, Dana! Oooh, I can see the hair!" It had hair! "C'mon, Dana! You're so close! Almost done, almost done..." Julie put on gloves and lay a few instruments on the sterile towel in front of her. "Almost, Dana... almost..." He willed his strength to her, whispering in her ear. "Almost..." he echoed. "Almost... almost... almost..." She cried out only once, at the end, as the head passed into the open air. Mulder could barely catch his breath as he looked down. "Oh, God!" he heard himself say over and over. "Oh, God, oh God..." With a final burst of strength, the shoulders were delivered, and the body slithered out, wet and slippery. "It's a girl!" Julie shouted. He broke down as the baby took a deep breath and wailed, tiny arms and legs flailing. Scully reached back and held his head to her as she laughed delightedly, and cheers went up outside the door. He watched silently through a cloud of tears as Julie wiped the baby off, clamped the cord, and released her into the world. All the while the baby cried ferociously, becoming more pink and real as each second passed. With deft hands, she was swaddled and lain on Scully's chest where the diminutive cries quickly stopped. Scully didn't say anything for several minutes as mother and child gazed at each other, both enraptured by the meeting. He reached out and touched the pudgy cheek, and a little rosebud mouth turned to seek his finger. He laughed and kissed Scully's cheek. "Oh God, Scully... she's so perfect! How did we do this? She looks like you -" "Mulder-" She turned her face to him, and he saw her tears for the first time today. "I know where I want to go." He arched an eyebrow at her, puzzled. "What? Go? You mean when we leave?" Her lips trembled as she whispered to him. "I want to find my mother. Please, Mulder." He wrapped his arms around both of them, holding them tight as he kissed her wet eyelids. "Of course we will. We'll find her, babe. We'll find her." "Okay..." she hiccuped. "Okay..." From a few inches away, a pair of bright shining eyes watched them in wonder. __________________________________________ Many hours later, as the sunlight began to wane, he sat on a chair by the side of the bed. Only after all had been introduced to their new daughter, and mother and baby had been fed, bathed, and checked several dozen times, were Mulder and Scully left alone to acquaint themselves with this new person. He still could hardly believe it. He watched the two of them now, Scully asleep with the baby contentedly suckling at her breast. They were already bonded together, a circle of two, and he prayed that the small one grew to be just like her momma. He found a sheet of paper, and began to write. 'You are here, and I am a father and I am amazed. You were an unexpected miracle, and yet I almost feel as if you were meant to be here all along. I know you already. I've seen your face in the moon, heard your cries in my dreams. I've looked into your eyes before. I think I've been waiting for you, and didn't even know it.' He paused a moment before folding the paper and tucking it into a nearby box, one that held things which had seemed so important before today. Then carefully, quietly, he slid into bed beside the two of them. He should try to rest too. They were beginning a long journey tomorrow. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ End Comments delightedly received at (rn500@usa.net ) Author's notes: I began the first of the 'Revelations' stories as a simple stand-alone tale, but as I wrote I realized that the potential was there for more. So I named the story 'Revelations I', just in case I had the inkling to eventually continue. Well, of course, the first story was barely posted when the next one began to flesh itself out in my mind. I apologize if anyone mistook this series for a WIP (I have learned my lesson on posting those!), it certainly wasn't meant to be. I appreciate all the feedback I have received on this series. I want you all to know that you have made a little wanna-be writer's heart very happy! Linda Hopelessly Romantic X-Files http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/2978