The Ghost Of You Walks

By afg
siggy.63@btinternet.com
 

By afg:June 2004
Category:V. S/SK Post Colonization ,character death
Spoilers:None
Rating:R
Disclaimer:The X Files are the property of Chris Carter and 1013
Productions: No profit is being made
Thanks:To Tali, for making it look as though I know what
punctuation is all about. And to Martin, for being lovely.
 
 
 

I am almost embarrassed at the noise I make as I come inside
her. She follows a few moments later, the ripple of internal
muscles and the taught arch of her neck the tell tale signs. She is
always silent during her orgasm. I think she is afraid that she'll
call out his name. It amuses me, that she might be sparing my
feelings but I have to wonder, is it him she sees when we make
love? Is it his hands that she feels caress her pale skin, his mouth
that kisses her?

I retreat from her body and roll on to my back, I put my arms
around her and draw her to my side, and we lie in the darkness
together, not speaking.  There will be no reminiscences between
us, no sighs of nostalgia for the old days. Remember when, is not
a game we play, it's too hard, it takes too much of a toll on hearts
that are scarred beyond repair.

I remember the day he died, I can see in Technicolor clarity the
way his body was torn apart by the blast, the almost slow motion
parabolic flight of his arm as it was ripped from his torso. He
would have no last words for his love and his friends to cherish
just a quick messy death. Not even a burial, there was no time for
those anymore. He would lie in the woods, with the rest of the
dead. When we returned to base, I didn't have to say a word, she
knew straight away. I remember that no one touched her, not one
hand was laid upon her in comfort. There was no point; there was
no comfort now.
 
I thought that, when he died, she would quickly follow. But I was
wrong, she's lasted a year so far. The night she first slipped
silently into my bed, we had lost ten people that day, three of
them children. She never explained why she wanted to share
herself with me; I can only assume that she was tired of being
alone.

I have a photograph of her, it's wrinkled and some of the creases
are almost at the point of wearing through. I'd taken it from the
pocket of his jeans, which had been shredded on his body. I keep
it with me now and whenever I go on a raid, I take it out and look
at her face, she is smiling, and she looks strange, with her hair a
neat bob and dressed in her smart clothes. Still, I keep the picture
in my pants pocket; maybe fate won't strike in the same place
twice.

We are losing this war, disease and the constant raids mean that
every day there are fewer of us with which to wage it. A sense of
hopelessness has started to prevail, soon there will be no one left
with the will to fight, and when that day comes it will all be over.

"Don't, Skinner." Her quite voice pervades my despondent
thoughts.

"What?" I ask

"We can't lose hope." She leans up on her elbow, and puts her
warm hand on my chest.

"Scully, there aren't enough of us anymore." I turn to her and
cup her face in my large rough hands "It's just a matter of time."

"No! I won't accept that, Mulder never would have given up."

"I'm not Mulder, I can't believe we will win when the odds are
so stacked against us, I can't be him for you, Scully, I can't."
We're sitting up now and my hands are gripping her shoulders.

"I'm not asking you to be him," she says, gently stroking my
cheek with her fingers. "And I'm truly sorry if that's how it's
seemed to you. You saved me, you know? That first night I came
to you, I was going to leave, just walk out into the open and let
them kill me.  I went to your room to leave a note, I wanted to
say goodbye, but when I saw you asleep I knew that what I was
doing was wrong, that giving up would mean that Mulder and all
the others would have died for nothing and I was angry Skinner,
so angry. For a whole year, I'd been numb and suddenly all these
feelings welled up in me and I could almost hear Mulder's voice
telling me to fight, to keep on going, to kick some alien ass." She
smiled at me. A bright dazzling smile, just like the one in
Mulder's photograph. "Mulder's gone, and for too long we've let
the flame of hope die with him, no more, Skinner, no more."
She's gripping my hand fiercely and I can feel the heat radiating
off her body.

"We can't win," I insist.

"I haven't shown you what I've come up with in the lab today
yet, have I?" She says with a smile.

"A vaccine?" I ask, not daring to believe.

"I think so, it'll need to be tested but I'm pretty sure it will
work."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well I would have, but you didn't give me a chance." She
laughs. She is actually laughing at me.

"Yes, sorry about that," I could feel my ears turning red. "I was a
little eager tonight, wasn't I?" I can feel the hope returning,
maybe not a flame yet, just a spark, but that is enough.

"Yes, you were, maybe this time, we could go a little slower."
She says as she palms the nape of my neck and begins to gently
kiss me. "We can win, Skinner, you have to believe that" She
pulls my body on top of hers.

"You make me believe, Scully." My lips trace her delicate collar
bones.

"I love you." She says, her strong hands, stroke my back, as I lift
off her a little, surprised to hear those words from her.

"But Mulder?"

Scully puts her fingers to my lips.

"Mulder's gone, and there is nothing I can do about that, but I
can feel him around me somehow, ever since that first night with
you, I can feel him and he's happy for us, Skinner, I know it."
She looks at me steadily. "I don't want to fight this fight alone. I
can't, I want to be with you, not as a replacement for Mulder, I
want to be with you for yourself." A tear was slowly running
down her cheek, I bend my head down to kiss it.

"Scully, what ever happens, Mulder and I will always be with
you."

She is smiling gently at me as she draws me down, our mouths
meeting in a long slow kiss.

We may not win this war, we might not live beyond tomorrow,
but we won't die in despair, for despair is the real killer, it
negates the sacrifices of those who have gone on before and
makes meaningless their lives. We have a chance now, the flame
that died with Mulder is reborn and will light our way forward,
and we shall fight on, with hope.

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